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Understanding what works: erotic versus emotional stimuli

If men were attracted to responsive women presumably they would appreciate a woman who could orgasm within say 5 seconds of being stimulated. In reality a man expects a woman to offer intercourse [i] for as long as he needs to ejaculate (no more no less). Conversely a woman has no control whatsoever over how long she will receive stimulation from intercourse.

Some women show off by talking about sex (naturally they mean intercourse) as if they need it as much as a man does. It’s as if a woman orgasms every time a man offers her an erection but at no other time. Try asking women what turns them on and they don’t have a clue. Women typically offer an assortment of possibilities, most of which are not remotely erotic. It is clear that women expect only emotional sensations from intercourse.

Sexual arousal starts as a subconscious response or trigger in the brain. We become conscious of arousal because this trigger increases the flow of blood into the pelvic area. In turn this increased blood flow causes the genitals to become more sensitive to stimulation. For men this increase in sensitivity is very significant. But a woman is typically unaware of arousal.

In men the increase in blood flow causes a significant stiffening of the genital structures (particularly the penis). In younger women there is little discernible swelling of the genital structures but in older women (over the age of forty) there can be some noticeable swelling around the labia indicating tumescence (but not rigidity as in the male) of the clitoral organ. This increase in sensitivity of the penis or clitoris when combined with a mental focus on eroticism (either the innate eroticism of the sexual activity or imagined scenarios) enables a person to stimulate themselves to orgasm.

Muscular tensions in the pelvic region increase, culminating in a peak that is suddenly dissipated (providing a sense of release). Orgasm involves the sporadic contractions of the muscles, the sensations of ejaculation of sperm (men only as there is no equivalent female sensation) and the sensation of the extra blood (accumulated in the genitals) flowing away from the area.

Young women do not experience erections. Nevertheless the sensations of arousal and orgasm are identical as for older women who do experience the physical phenomenon. So women can masturbate to orgasm with similar frequencies throughout their active lives. But their responsiveness with a lover only develops later in life (if at all). The main benefit of a clitoral erection is an increase in sensitivity in the internal body structures during sexual activity with a lover who provides the correct internal stimulation.

[i] In most mammals … the female usually lies beneath the male or in front of him during copulation, either submitting from the very beginning of the sexual relation or being forced into submission by the assault of the male. …There is no sexual relation, however, until the female has been sufficiently subdued to allow the male to effect coitus. (p613 Kinsey 1948)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)

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