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Showing sexual initiative and providing erotic feedback

Doesn’t anyone else find it odd (and very convenient!) that modern advice on female orgasm just so happens to reflect almost exactly how women’s responsiveness is portrayed in pornography? Real women are obliged to exaggerate their apparent responsiveness to encourage a lover to keep going and to substitute for the much more obvious signs of male arousal.

Given a woman’s much lower responsiveness, she will never orgasm every time a man does. But she can still provide a lover with a simulated erotic ‘response’. By making small moans or sighs she can assist with her lover’s orgasm as well as provide a form of erotic feedback that indicates when stimulation is pleasurable. Women grease the wheels of sex [i] so to speak!

During intercourse a woman can move in rhythm with the man’s thrusting. She can kiss and caress him affectionately. By assisting with penile stimulation a woman contributes towards the goal of intercourse: male orgasm. Intercourse is like an erotic dance where a woman follows her lover’s lead.

Men assume that women are aroused (as men are) by talking about sex. I am not totally immune to suggestion but it does not have the direct impact on my desire to have sex as it seems to for men. Women are not aroused by talking about sexual activity in general. Women may flirt by making sexual references thereby indicating their amenability to a man they fancy.

In porn the actors, unlike their female partners, communicate very little. They grunt occasionally and they have an expression of focused concentration. This is to be expected. Anyone who is aiming for orgasm needs to concentrate their mind on the turn-ons and enjoy the stimulation at hand.

So what is the purpose of the facial expressions porn actresses use? They are ways of communicating a sexual ‘come-on’ or a form of enticement. A woman can use her facial expression or body language (such as mouthing a half-peeled banana!) to emulate sexual activity that appeals to men.

But where do the female vocals come from? Perhaps they originate from times when rape and incest were rife. There is an inherent turn-on in the violent objections of someone who is being penetrated against their will: for example the rape scene in ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ (2011).

I use a range of resistance scenarios in my fantasies from a man cajoling the woman to relax (her anus) and accept his erect penis to forcing himself on her regardless. Aspects of control and domination, as well as the idea of a man negotiating his own pleasure, are core to my ability to orgasm.

[i] It is this interplay of physical, psychological, and emotional responses which makes coitus one of the most completely mutual activities in which two individuals may engage. (p372 Kinsey 1953)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)

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