A woman who lies fairly inert during sexual pleasuring communicates a lack of cooperation and causes a man to feel sexually unappreciated. Both social and sexual interaction rely on the active interest of the participants. In women’s eyes men can seem impossible to please. But men wonder why women do not provide them with the sexual interaction they hope for. [i] Men’s erotic fantasies involve exploring sex play in which a woman takes an active sexual interest by responding when her lover stimulates her.
A woman can stimulate a man by licking and sucking gently on his nipples. Have your lover enter your vagina from behind (as he squats on his knees) and tell him to keep his hips still. In this position you can gyrate your hips to stimulate his penis. See if you can make him come just through your own movement! Tightening your pelvic muscles rhythmically also helps.
The facts of male sexuality are evident from observing the real world but they are also supported by research findings. Frequencies of sexual activity vary but the vast majority of men (92%) orgasm quickly and easily through masturbation as well as through intercourse (100% with their wives). Research focuses more on attitudes towards sexual pleasuring (such as women’s willingness to provide fellatio) rather than on whether men achieve orgasm (which is perhaps assumed given men’s responsiveness!).
If your man loses his erection have him lie on top of you. Feel around his penis and testicles. Once his penis hardens slightly, hold it firmly in your hand and use a gentle pumping action to increase his erection. Once erect, guide his penis into your vagina. Move your hips to help stimulate his penis. If he moves his weight onto his arms you can keep moving your hips or alternate with tightening your pelvic muscles to give him more sensation. Reach down and feel around the base of his penis and his testicles. Admire his hardness and hold his buttocks firmly to pull him deeper inside.
For a little variety, plan the occasional session in front of the TV. Using porn movies to supplement sex adds a little spice for both lovers. A man also enjoys a woman who uses language that is sexually explicit. Exaggerate if necessary as you describe the things you would like him to do to you!
Offer fellatio whenever you can. I like to offer in the bath or at the start of a sex session. Likewise stimulation of the male G-spot works best in the bath. You need to lubricate a finger and probe gently into his anus. Make sure you ask him for directions. This is an excellent lesson in appreciating how difficult it is give and respond to feedback when penetrating a lover.
[i] When she fails to be interested in sexual relations with her husband, when she is less interested than he is, when she refuses to have intercourse as frequently as he would like it, when she re-fuses to allow the variety in pre-coital techniques that the male would like to have, or when she accedes to such techniques without evidencing an interest equal to that of the male, she is encouraging him to find extra-marital relations. (p590 Kinsey 1948)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)