The young tend to be the most sexually active. So mature couples with decades of experience often assume that young people know more about sex than they do. [i] In turn each generation rejects the wisdom of its elders. The sex researchers’ findings have been so contentious that their work is simply ignored. So today we have no universally accepted account of our sexuality and sex information is based largely on personal intuition.
In the BBC TV documentary ‘Science Britannica’ (2013) Professor Brian Cox says: “The only way to understand how nature works is to look at it and then use logic and reason to understand and explain what you see.
Newton was one of the first to interrogate Nature using the principles of what we now call the ‘scientific method’. In other words he observed the world, came up with theories to explain what he saw, then tested them with experiments to see if he was right. The power of this approach is that it aims to remove preconceived ideas and in doing so deliver a more accurate description of the natural world.” Evidence from real life is vital!
So I do not rely on what women say because saying is not evidence of doing. I am suggesting that it is unreasonable to expect women to replicate the sexual miracles claimed by a tiny minority and that what is impossible for me to achieve is probably equally impossible for many other women.
I have been capable of orgasm all of my adult life. I have also been adventurous with a lover but nothing worked until middle age. Even then although orgasm provides very pleasurable physical sensations I do not place the same emotional significance on genital stimulation and penetration that men do. It is simply not possible for other women to respond so totally differently. If they did, there would be significant numbers of women in the general population able to provide explicit accounts of how they achieve orgasm as a response to erotic stimuli. This is clearly not the case. Very few women are willing to say anything at all about sex and orgasm.
It has taken me years of analysing my most personal sexual experiences (both alone and with a lover) for me to be able to describe not only what happens in my mind and to my body but also to suggest perhaps why.
In presenting this evidence, my challenge is that no one can accept that sex information today is so wrong! We’d rather base our sexual knowledge on a concoction of fantasy and ignorance than the research findings. So it’s small wonder that both sexes end up feeling inadequate and (even worse!) blaming a lover for not making sex as exciting as we think it should be!
[i] In general, the sexual patterns of the younger generation are so nearly identical with the sexual patterns of the older generation … that there seems to be no sound basis for the widespread opinion that the younger generation has become more active in its socio-sexual contacts. (p397 Kinsey 1948)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)