One might have expected that the regularity of intercourse would depend partly upon a woman’s interest in sex. In fact the rates of sexual outlet for married men who were adolescent before the age of twelve are about twice as high as men who were adolescent at a later age. This is exactly the same difference that is found for single men! So the frequencies with which couples have intercourse are solely down to the level of the man’s sex drive. [i]
This is hardly surprising given intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm. Some women (such as those who write the women’s column in the UK ‘Daily Mail’ newspaper) openly admit their schemes to avoid sex which seem to succeed. Such tactics do not work with a highly-sexed man.
Men may complain about a lack of sex in marriage but not every man is willing to leave his wife and possibly his family to get it. Men with low sex drives may be able to put up with a sexless marriage later in life. But men with a high drive cannot imagine life without sex. So the system is self-regulating to a degree because such men simply find another woman.
In the BBC series ‘Indian Ocean’ (2012) Simon Reeve met an Indian woman who explained that she stopped offering her husband intercourse once they had as many children as they could feed. Her husband just went to prostitutes. She concluded “Men must have a vagina!” She accepted the risk of more children so that her husband’s income would benefit her family rather than other women. As human populations grow, our survival will depend on our ability to face emotional rather than technical challenges.
Canadian sex expert Trina Read says: “What men are socialized to do sexually to satisfy his partners obviously isn’t working for millions of women. To be fair women are also guilty because she does not feel confident or comfortable to say to her partner, ‘Hey, sex needs to be about what I want. And tonight it’s going to be an all-about-me-night; which means a full body massage and no intercourse. Next time we’ll focus on your fun.’” (2014)
Men are true innocents! They claim to have no idea of the deception their fantasies force on women. The idea that a woman ‘enjoys’ sex (or is assumed to have an orgasm) validates men. The fact that she may have to be cajoled into bed does not strike men as a contradiction. The emotional bonding process makes this behaviour core to men’s sexuality. A man’s pleasure is assumed. But as women rarely initiate or drive sexual activity a man seeks some reassurance that a woman is sufficiently enthusiastic about intercourse that she will continue providing a regular sexual outlet.
[i] …the married males who have the highest total outlets, … are, for every social level, those who became adolescent first. … this indicates that the wife’s part in determining the frequency of marital intercourse is not as important as one might expect. … the intensity of a male’s sex drive, appears to be the prime factor in fixing the frequency of marital intercourse. (p569 Kinsey 1948)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)