In the animal world (especially mammals) the male initiates mating. The male drive is evidenced by the behaviour of fighting over mating rights.
There is not the same precedent for women’s sex drive because there is no evidence to indicate that female mammals achieve orgasm as a result of mating (or at any other time). When female mammals are in heat they are amenable to allowing another animal (even a female) to mount them.[i]
Misconception #1: Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that women have a ‘sex drive’ to engage in intercourse. A woman becomes pregnant regardless of orgasm so there is no reason why a woman should be stimulated to orgasm through the act of mating.
Female orgasm has nothing to do with reproduction and so it has nothing to do with intercourse. As long as a woman ovulates she can be impregnated without ever having an orgasm. There is no reason for women to be aroused by a lover’s body and no reason for them to orgasm with a lover.
Male orgasm is not directly linked to reproduction either. It is simply a happy state of affairs for men (!) that ejaculation (which is required for reproduction) almost always coincides with (is rewarded by) orgasm.
Intercourse is a territorial act whereby a man deposits his sperm inside the woman’s belly for the ultimate purpose of impregnating her. Penetration is key to men’s sexuality so that without an erection a man cannot orgasm by any means. As a result all men are endowed (to a greater or lesser degree) with a drive to penetrate even if they are gay or infertile.
Reproduction has shaped men’s sexuality. Men are driven to penetrate (a female) and orgasm rewards them for ejaculating. Therefore the need to be actively sexual is much more vital to men’s emotional well-being. Most men are sexually active (on a regular basis) from puberty onwards.
There is a very natural misconception that women’s experience of intercourse should be a mirror image of (or a complement to) the male. But only a man is directly motivated to mate. A woman is not. Not only does she have no organ to penetrate with but also she has no reason to do so. She cannot impregnate a female. Neither does a woman have a complementary drive to be impregnated through engaging in intercourse.
Women do not have a sex drive so it is almost impossible for them to understand the male drive to obtain sexual release through penetration.
[i] It is generally believed that females of the infra-human species of mammals are sexually responsive only during the so-called periods of heat, or what is technically referred to as the estrus period. This however is not strictly so. The chief effect of estrus seems to be the preparation of the animal to accept the approach of another animal which tries to mount it. (p450 Kinsey 1953)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (2013)