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Men’s sexual knowledge is acquired from pornography

Today we have no official account of human sexuality. So men’s ‘sexual knowledge’ of how women enjoy sexual pleasure (how women are assumed to achieve orgasm) comes from pornography or other fictional sources intended to cause arousal. For example ‘squirting’ is completely fictional. Women do not truly ejaculate. Similarly although people refer to ‘breast orgasms’ women do not orgasm through breast stimulation alone. [i]

In the BBC3 TV documentary ‘Britain in Bed’ (broadcast in 2012) Tracey Cox, explains the problem: “We’ve got this generation of boys growing up thinking that, you know, women practically faint at the sight of an erection, that women orgasm through penetration, that threesomes are normal. Nothing in porn is real. You need to watch porn knowing that this is all completely fabricated.” Boys (and grown men!) will always believe that attractive young women are capable of the most unlikely sexual feats!

Men never witness a woman masturbating to orgasm. So a woman meets male expectations for female orgasm by emulating porn actresses. We are so used to women ‘keeping men happy’ or pretending to do ‘what we assume they should be capable of’. The idea that women can enjoy their own responsiveness is less intuitive. This aspect of female sexuality focuses on what women do for themselves quite independently of men. It has little to do with sexual activity based on intercourse culminating in male orgasm.

Men’s bravado involves exaggerating the number or variety of their sexual opportunities and lovers. Women’s bravado involves boasting about orgasm. But their modesty and their inability to be explicit clearly indicate that they are referring to emotional sensations rather than erotic responses. Who ever heard of a man who continues to stimulate a partner and engage in sexual activity once he has had an orgasm? Male orgasm defines the end of heterosexual activity. So why does sex not end with a woman’s orgasm? We confuse general arousal with true orgasm. So pornography depicts women being aroused and constantly re-aroused. This is of course total nonsense! No one wants stimulation to continue after their own orgasm.

Orgasm is just one part of the sexual arousal cycle, which varies but is a unique experience. The ideal scenario involves enjoying psychological stimulation (conscious erotic fantasy or subconscious response to eroticism) combined with genital stimulation (of the aroused sex organ: penis or clitoris) that culminates in the release of sexual tension (in the form of an orgasm) followed by a pleasurable aftermath (of orgasm) including waves of post-climax echoes and sensations of relaxation and lassitude.

[i] Since most males are aroused by seeing female breasts, and because most females are, in actuality, only moderately aroused by having their breasts tactilely stimulated, female breasts may be more important sources of erotic stimulation to males than they are to females. (p592 Kinsey 1953)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)

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