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Some men insist that women are pleasured by intercourse

Modern films such as ‘Jeune et Jolie’ (2013) glamorise prostitution to such an extent that we have the impression that all prostitutes are beautiful and classy young women offering a variety of sexual techniques. Sadly the run-of-the-mill prostitute does not provide ‘dinner with a show’. She feels no obligation to fake her own sexual pleasure in return for charging her client.

Around 69% of men admit to having had sex at least once with a prostitute but only 20% ever make regular use of prostitutes. Men most likely to use prostitutes are the young (under thirty) and the less educated. It would be logical to assume that any sexual activity a man is willing to pay for is likely to revolve around male gratification. But an educated man [i] has an emotional need to be reassured that a woman appreciates his lovemaking.

The animated film ‘Wall-E’ (2008) tells the platonic ‘love story’ of two robots, one ostensibly male and the other female. Wall-E’s awe for the aloof and mysterious Eve, his timidity in approaching her, his desire for intimacy (holding hands) and his pleasure in being noticed and in obtaining her approval epitomize the intellectual and emotionally sensitive male.

Some men want to believe that women are pleasured through intercourse because they are looking for approval. This behaviour is slightly more typical of educated (or sensitive) men. Such men are less tempted by casual sex because of the lack of emotional context. Their greater ability with fantasy may substitute for the variety that others obtain from promiscuity.

A man’s willingness to stimulate a woman (even if only through intercourse) reassures him that his motivations (because they are aimed at pleasuring his lover rather than himself) are unselfish. Men’s sexual needs are biological; women’s are emotional. A woman offers sex for money, for love or for vanity. Men assume women have sex to enjoy orgasm even though Kinsey and Hite highlighted that women orgasm most easily by masturbating alone rather than with a lover. Today the only statistics quoted from their work are Kinsey’s 10% of women who never orgasm by any means and Hite’s 30% of women who orgasm through intercourse.

No one ever explains why they quote these statistics while ignoring the rest of their findings. The findings from the earlier research were so unpopular that no one has attempted research on the same scale since. Consequently no other reliable statistics exist. Modern surveys never justify how they select their samples, their tiny sample sizes or the appropriateness of extending their findings to every other woman in the population.

[i] The lower level male is not particularly concerned with the responsiveness or unresponsiveness of his female partner, … On the other hand, the upper level male … commonly complains about the genital inadequacies of the prostitute, … that she is not responding erotically. (p608-9 Kinsey 1948)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)

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