In the movie ‘Bad Boys’ (1995) a married cop gives his opinion “That’s what married means. It means you sleep together but you can’t get none!” Despite the complaints, research indicates that married men have more sex [i] than single men do. Men may look for other pleasures when they pay for sex but they are usually happy to settle for intercourse with their wives.
A married man has ways of getting sex. He suggests that a woman’s lack of sexual interest proves that she does not love him. He complains that his balls ache if he does not ejaculate regularly. Sperm are invisible to the naked eye so even millions of them do not add up to more than a fraction of a man’s ejaculate. The prostate gland (at the base of the penis) contributes most of the fluid in the semen. The discomfort is due to the tiring of the muscles involved in maintaining an erection. There is no lasting harm.
In the past women were indebted to men for their protection and their children’s. Today if a woman expects a man to hang around and put up with all the emotional trauma of a relationship then she has to incentivise him.
It seems likely that relationships are more likely to last (survive the hurdles that tend to arise over the longer-term) if they are founded in love (a stronger emotional connection) because of the inherent generosity that is involved when one person loves another (as opposed to a relationship based purely on the enjoyment of physical attributes and sexual activities).
In theory a woman could easily offer intercourse to any half-decent man. But most women avoid promiscuity, not just because of pregnancy and disease, but because of the massive taboo over female promiscuity. Despite men’s fantasies of arousing women to orgasm through intercourse, they don’t accept that women might have a sex drive similar to their own.
Men assume they have the right to look elsewhere as if intercourse has no emotional significance for them. But intercourse is vital to a man and he expects a woman to behave as if having sex with him is significant to her.
In the BBC3 documentary ‘Britain in Bed’ (broadcast January 2012) Peter Stringfellow responds to the women protesting outside his club by saying: “The truth is … this (lap dancing) is a male form of entertainment … for men!” Any objective assessment of human sexuality must conclude that while sex may be a frivolous form of entertainment for (at least some) men, it involves a much more serious emotional and relationship commitment for most women. More realistic sex information needs to acknowledge these key differences in our sexual and emotional responses.
[i] The mean frequencies of total sexual outlet for the married males are always, at all age levels, higher than the total outlets for single males… (p268 Kinsey 1948)
Excerpt from Jane’s book Sexuality & Sexual Techniques (2015)