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Intercourse stimulates only the penetrator’s sex organ

Men, both gay and straight, can enjoy the intensely pleasurable sensations of anal penetration, when combined with appropriate lubrication and a sensitive lover. But usually male orgasm still relies on penile stimulation.[i] Homosexual erotic fiction indicates that anal sex becomes uncomfortable for the receiving male if he loses his erection. Women only start to have erections (of the internal clitoral organ) in late middle age.

The heterosexual focus on intercourse is not just a matter of convention. Men are biologically programmed to prefer intercourse otherwise men could engage in oral sex or masturbation instead and none of us would be here to talk about it. Consequently most men cannot accept that women’s responsiveness is so different to how it is portrayed in fictional media.

Given their sex drive (to penetrate) heterosexual men rarely need to identify with the perspective of the receiver (male or female) of intercourse. So when they see an attractive woman, men talk about ‘giving her one’ (and they don’t mean an orgasm). Yet male sexuality (regardless of orientation) inherently relies on persuading a lover to accept penetration.

Men assume that the sensations of being penetrated are equally arousing as the sensations of penetrating. They don’t take into account that intercourse simulates their sex organ but not a woman’s. Consider fellatio as a parallel. No matter how amazing the sensations are for a man when a lover stimulates his penis with their mouth, his partner’s mouth is not a sex organ and hence providing oral sex cannot cause his lover’s orgasm.

The mouth and vagina are both susceptible to thrush (a yeast infection), being warm and moist. These similarities probably explain why men almost swoon if offered oral sex. If cunnilingus provided the same pleasure presumably women would be more willing to offer fellatio in exchange.

Both sexes may be aroused by the concept of either being the penetrator or being penetrated regardless of sexual orientation. Both men and women can also use an artificial phallus to simulate penetration as a turn-on either for themselves or for a lover. Both sexes can receive penetrative sex but only a man can fully penetrate a partner with his own sex organ.

To be capable of penetration the penis must be erect so a man must first be aroused but the receiver of intercourse does not need to be aroused. Being the receiver of penetrative sex with a sensitive lover may assist with orgasm by mental association but it does not in itself cause orgasm.

[i]sexual contacts between males of the lower mammalian species do proceed to the point for orgasm, at least for the male that mounts another male. (p449 Kinsey 1953)

Excerpt from Jane’s book Women’s Sexual Behaviours & Responses (2013)

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