Our sexuality

As our bodies develop differently through adolescence, young men and women become aware of themselves as very different sexual beings. Most young men are quite naturally motivated to explore their own arousal and orgasm through masturbation. Most young women are, just as naturally, more focused on exploring their relationships with others.

As a consequence, men and women approach sex from very different perspectives. If a couple has some understanding of the different rewards that men and women obtain from sex, they can make sure that there is a balance of giving and receiving in their sex life.

This first section compares male and female sexuality and explains why women are slower to become aroused during sex with a partner.

Women's arousal

Undoubtedly, the greatest sexual fantasy of all is the spontaneously aroused and orgasmic woman. Real women tend to find orgasm with a partner much more elusive.

It is relatively easy for a woman to pleasure a man and the fantasy leads us to assume that it ought to work the other way around. When it doesn't, both partners can end up feeling inadequate. Men often feel responsible for everything, even women's arousal. But this is clearly a nonsense when women themselves do not necessarily know how their own arousal works.

This second section gives detailed information about how some women, over time, learn how to achieve arousal and orgasm with a partner.

Keeping sex intimate

Orgasm is not the critical goal for women that it typically is for men. Women can be more relaxed about orgasm and so they have more time to enjoy their own arousal during sex play with a partner. Lack of orgasm need not be the problem it first appears, once the facts are accepted.

Women will invest in their sexual relationship, even without orgasm, if they feel good about the relationship in general. Over time, a man needs to ensure that he offers some sensual sex play and pleasuring focused on his partner's arousal so that sex holds some rewards for her.

This third section suggests how a man can encourage his woman into the bedroom and looks at ideas for keeping sex alive in long-term relationships.