My personal story

My future writing plans include the autobiographical ‘A Hand Full of Cards’ (2020 or later), which will provide some insights into my motivation to write about both the erotic and the relationship aspects of sex.

My father came from a privileged background. He was gay and never earned anything like as much as he spent. My mother was uneducated and suffered bouts of mental illness. She was promiscuous when it suited her and used an affair to have a baby. I loved them both but the courts judged that neither would make a fit parent and so, aged 8, I was sent away to boarding school.

Later I concluded that my parents struggled to cope with everything that life threw at them. I was very fond of them and, loving my parents, helped me realise that morality should be less about judging others and more about us needing to accept people for what they are.

By the time I was a teenager, I was familiar with the taboo over homosexuality and anal sex. I also shared a little of my younger brother’s difficulty in accounting for a non-existent father. Society holds a woman accountable for the social consequences of sex. Adults often treated us as if we, as children, were responsible for the perceived misdeeds of our parents.

I read erotic literature that I acquired from various sources: school friends and my parent’s more liberated friends. I discovered masturbation and orgasm at the age of 17. So a year later when I had sex for the first time, I realised the enormous deception women employ to appeal to men.

Many years later I appreciated that although my disappointment over sex was personal to me and to women in general, it was ironically more of an issue for men. Men have to believe beyond all reason and logic that a woman wants sex as much as they do because sex is so important to them.

The trouble with this deception or men’s refusal to accept women for what they are, it that it pushes the responsibility back onto women. It’s as if men blame women for being the way they are. This makes sex even harder for a woman. She either has to fake or she is left to be the one to ‘make sex exciting’ for a man.

When I consulted therapists, they claimed to have no idea what I was talking about. They painted a picture of relationships as if real people have sex lives straight out of erotic fiction. I was patronised and humiliated when I was expecting sympathy and explanations. I resolved to provide other women with something better than the current nonsense. So here I am and here I will remain for some time to come.

I live in Bayswater, London. I have been married for over 30 years and I have three grown-up daughters. My hobbies include: travel, languages, walking, cinema, reading and cosmology. I have a BSc Honours degree in Mathematics from Southampton university. After qualifying with Deloitte, Haskins & Sells, I worked as a finance manager (FCA) for 25 years, primarily for hi-tech companies. More recently, to complement my writing, I have taken up teaching English as a foreign language, first in Rome and now in Tokyo!