As our bodies develop
differently through adolescence, young men and
women become aware of themselves as very different
sexual beings. Most young men are quite naturally
motivated to explore their own arousal and orgasm
through masturbation. Most young women are, just as
naturally, more focused on exploring their
relationships with others.
As a consequence, men and women approach sex from
very different perspectives. If a couple has some
understanding of the different rewards that men and
women obtain from sex, they can make sure that
there is a balance of giving and receiving in their
sex life.
This first section compares male and female
sexuality and explains why women are slower to
become aroused during sex with a partner.
Undoubtedly, the
greatest sexual fantasy of all is the spontaneously
aroused and orgasmic woman. Real women tend to find
orgasm with a partner much more elusive.
It is relatively easy for a woman to pleasure a man
and the fantasy leads us to assume that it ought to
work the other way around. When it doesn't, both
partners can end up feeling inadequate. Men often
feel responsible for everything, even women's
arousal. But this is clearly a nonsense when women
themselves do not necessarily know how their own
arousal works.
This second section gives detailed information
about how some women, over time, learn how to
achieve arousal and orgasm with a partner.
Orgasm is not the
critical goal for women that it typically is for
men. Women can be more relaxed about orgasm and so
they have more time to enjoy their own arousal
during sex play with a partner. Lack of orgasm need
not be the problem it first appears, once the facts
are accepted.
Women will invest in their sexual relationship,
even without orgasm, if they feel good about the
relationship in general. Over time, a man needs to
ensure that he offers some sensual sex play and
pleasuring focused on his partner's arousal so that
sex holds some rewards for her.
This third section suggests how a man can encourage
his woman into the bedroom and looks at ideas for
keeping sex alive in long-term relationships.
